Saturated Lipid Reuptake in Adult Caucasian Males

Hello. And welcome to my blog!

With my responsibilities as a prominent professor (in 2 departments) and a beautiful but demanding (younger) girlfriend I haven't had much time to explore the Internet. So I'm no expert at this blogging "thing", though I was one of the first scientists to propose the possibility of a global interconnected computer network back in 1994. Anyway, most blogs waste a lot of time on their first post with introductions. This is probably because they don't have much wisdom to impart. But I do, so I would like to just get started. I hope you will enjoy and understand this blog.

I recently had a dinner for some professors at my home and though the conversation was meant to be light and pleasant over a couple glasses of Whitbred Sauvignon (1994 of course!) it quickly got contentious... again. Rahm Rectshaffen (Adjunct Professor of Biology and Physical Sciences) was asking Chelsea how she had prepared the melted butter puffs we were serving. I wondered aloud, half-jokingly, for how many days a 165-lb man could eat nothing but a daily allowance of 5 million micrograms (about 5 sticks) of butter. If "Prof." Rectshaffen had simply allowed me to answer my own question as I intended to (my work recently has been directly concerned with human lipid absorption) we could have laughed and moved on (the answer is 545 days).

But, and I believe he did this simply because he's jealous of my tenure and potential (but very likely) upcoming text book publication, Rectshaffen drained his glass, his third I might add, and declared the answer to be 896! Rectshaffen knows full well that i am the foremost expert at lipid reuptake at the university (and probably in the entire Tri-County region) and his credentials in this area are scant. But he made his claim boldly and brazenly, then sat down and helped himself to another butter puff. One butter puff proves nothing, Rahm!

This was an insult I could not allow to stand. For anyone with an IQ in the 160-190 range as I am, the answer to this question is blazingly simple. I would lay out the full equation for you here, but Chelsea has made me promise to keep the ideas SIMPLE on this blog (thank you my dear!). So let us simply say that Days=X*K/C2. In which X is Calories from Fat, K is Avagodro's constant and C2 is obviously the square of the molecular weight of Carbon. (Incidentally for non-caucasian males I might add 2 to K).

To be fair, this equation only works on our particular planet, Earth. That's because the length of a day as well as relative gravity varies with planetary mass. Perhaps on Neptune you could eat 5 sticks of butter only for 896 days. And perhaps there's a tenure track position available to you there as well Rectshaffen.

But for anyone on planet Earth with a pencil, paper and half a brain, the solution is 545. But Rectshaffen made an alluring, if not totally treasonous argument, that if the subject were to engage in moderate physical activity and eat salted butter (which contains Iodine) Avogadro's constant could be overcome and even augmented.

Rectshaffen, it is called a constant because it is CONSTANT. Fuck your iodine.

In any case, I DO NOT recommend eating nothing but butter (salted or unsalted) for any amount of time longer than 545 days. Rectshaffen you can have my tenured position if you can exceed this obvious limit. I publicly, on this blog DARE you.

Needless to say, the dinner was ruined, Chelsea was furious and everyone left before we could even play Settlers of Catan.

I hope you have found this post to be understandable and informative. I look forward to bringing you another exciting but simple topic soon. (And please comment! I love to hear from my readers).

http://rjdconstruction.blogspot.com